Years ago I often thought,
That love could be sold or bought.
Any price would do,
As long as it was me leaving with you.
But then I noticed the way you walked,
And I was floored by your wondrous smile.
Your eyes flecked golden, crinkled at the sides of your laugh,
And I realized that to know you was to be in love.
And that was tough,
Because no amount of money
Would ever be enough.
I wanted nothing more to do with the world than I did with the people in it.
So, I packed my socks, my scarf, and my bag and set myself off to something grand.
As I arrived at the station and waited for my train, I saw a million motorized aliens zooming every which way.
I thought to myself “how bad could it be?” If I walked through them until I arrived where I pleased.
And so I set off in a quiet manner as such-no eyes were drawn to me and no sounding stranger gave a peep,
I walked passed every one of those trains, and ended up in some horrid type of maze.
The only person in the whole world I could trust completely was me,
And with that thought I was off to better things.
I walked through the walls of the maze-
Over through and by the only sound was me passing through the sky.
I saw nothing but what I wanted and so how awfully wonderful it was,
When the ground opened up, and I fell from a thousand feet up.
The sky started changing and the walls expanding so far as the human eye could scarcely see,
And so I resorted to looking down and wondering what was soon to be.
And the childish wonderment I felt in my heart-
Tickled through my fingers, up my arms to the start.
And it was terrifying and so very great the things I saw in the land of this wake.
Some type of place it was,
What it was indeed,
Was what the inner working mind conjured, conceived to be,
A new reality to which was gladly bestowed upon me.
And so, with no regretful glance,
No wanting of a second chance,
As flesh meets physical toil-
As bones crack like a thousand whips,
And muscles expand and contract similar to a bug splatting fast,
I was in the world I had so desired to be
And the way I saw it-it was happy for me.
There’s a certain spark of magic that comes from kissing,
The fervent pull of two bodies together that flushes the imagination.
The world as it would seem falls off its orbit,
And the torrent of the waves stop their mindless crashing to listen for the whispered graze.
The uniqueness of every individual touch is indescribable when love is given the hands to feel,
And it stops time and drops stars until every piece of the universe is shared in one single moment-
One single kiss between two lovers-
And then life moves on again.
-Natalie Cait
(Image found on Pinterest)
It killed me when the magic of the world proved to be fake,
And it was nothing short of exhaustion I felt in its wake.
A time of being deceived by men,
Years of being hurt time and again.
But it did not happen in some grandiose way,
Where the sirens rang loud and I knew on a certain day.
No, it happened over millennias of other lifetimes before I even came to be,
That when it was finally my turn, it was no stranger to me.
It only was in the way that I hoped it wasn’t true.
That I hoped the disappearing cards and the magical growing scarves were all from you,
And that you caused the magic of everyday
Much like a rabbit popping from a hat on its way.
But you didn’t give me anymore magic than I had already had before,
For no one needed eyes to see the things you were capable of in your core.
And I couldn’t go through life with a person like that,
And so, unlike the rabbit, I escaped the hat.
-Natalie Cait
There was a certain ferocity that came from loving him;
A deep humming sound in the back of my mind.
It lit a fire in my body that sparked from my head to my toes.
In every sense of self, he enraptured me
Filling me so warmly with sparks of newfound affection.
Where I found nothing to be afraid of-
No ghosts to run from,
Or monsters to scream at-
There was merely a sprout of something in my chest
That sparked every time he came near.
And it was so wonderfully chaotic and wild
That the sun would set backwards,
And the moon was too scared to rise.
For the fire I had become
Was fiercer than any light the universe could procure,
And every fiber of my being shone for him.
In a deeply saturated kind of way
That overflowed every container,
And flooded over any wall that tried to stop it.
He made me see myself as brave.
As a brilliant beacon of light,
And I had never felt so amazingly sure of myself
Than in the moment where I first heard his voice,
And saw his brilliance that reflected the light I had in me
Of which I had never known.
-Natalie Cait
Sometimes I let my mind take over,
It brings me to beautiful words and works of wonder,
Where i find my way through this rumbling thunder.
Steady becomes my being,
and I find everything I need.
The uselessness of the world fades out
and I find something much more interesting on which to feed.
Nothing happens in an instant,
but in my mind, a turn is twisted in a quick second.
Many thoughts spring in
and I find them to be so intriguing that I pen them in.
Yet, they never come out how i see them.
Not as vividly at least.
I know that I am dark and light,
Judas and Priest.
But when I am alone,
I am just a small fracture in the earth
and that gives me great relief from the strife I was given at birth.
I am no narcissist,
at least I hope,
But the way that I am makes me happy.
That I am no twig,
nor am I stone.
I live the life I made in my mind,
and it satisfies me so that I feel no time.
Thus I take a right or a left,
a twist or a bend,
and I find myself in the place I had long since yearned to be.
With myself and with my God,
in my soul that lives on outside of me.
-Natalie Cait
that gray area 